The 12 Unhelpful Thinking Styles of Christmas

As CBT practitioners, we’re all familiar with the classic unhelpful thinking styles (or cognitive distortions, if you prefer the traditional term). But there’s something about the Christmas season that seems to activate these patterns with particular vigor. The combination of high expectations, family dynamics, financial pressure, and genuine fatigue creates the perfect storm for our clients—and sometimes ourselves—to fall into familiar cognitive traps.

In the spirit of the season, here are the 12 Unhelpful Thinking Styles of Christmas, sung to the tune of that carol we all know far too well:

---

12 All-or-Nothing Thoughts

“If I don’t get everything on my child’s wish list, I’ve completely failed as a parent.”

All-or-nothing thinking at Christmas often manifests as perfectionism. Either the day is magical and flawless, or it’s a complete disaster. There’s no middle ground, no room for “good enough.” A client might spend weeks planning the perfect Christmas dinner, only to feel the entire day is ruined when the turkey is slightly dry. This binary thinking ignores the reality that most experiences fall somewhere in the middle—and that’s perfectly okay.

11 Mind-Reading Errors

“My mother-in-law didn’t comment on the decorations. She obviously thinks my house looks terrible.”

Mind-reading flourishes at Christmas gatherings where we’re often anxious about others’ judgments. We assume we know what relatives are thinking, usually attributing the worst possible interpretation to their silence, facial expressions, or comments. The truth is, your mother-in-law might have been distracted, tired, or simply didn’t think to mention the decorations. We can’t actually know what’s in someone else’s head, but anxiety convinces us we do.

10 Fortune-Telling Failures

“Christmas Day is going to be awful. I just know my brother will drink too much and start an argument like he always does.”

Fortune-telling involves predicting the future with certainty, usually negatively. While it’s reasonable to anticipate potential difficulties based on past patterns, fortune-telling locks us into a fatalistic view that removes any agency or possibility of change. Yes, your brother has behaved problematically in the past, but treating it as inevitable creates anxiety and may become a self-fulfilling prophecy in how we interact with him.

9 Mental Filters

“Christmas was ruined because my teenage son was moody and stayed in his room for an hour.”

Mental filtering means focusing exclusively on negative details while filtering out positive ones. A client might have had a lovely day with meaningful connections, good food, and genuine laughter—but they fixate solely on that one hour of teenage sulking. The positive experiences get discounted entirely, leaving only the negative in memory.

8 Attempts at Disqualifying the Positive

“People only said they liked my cooking to be polite. They’re just being nice.”

This thinking style is mental filtering’s close cousin. When positive things happen, we find ways to dismiss them as not counting. Compliments are rejected as mere politeness, successful moments are attributed to luck, and genuine appreciation is reframed as obligation. It’s a particularly cruel distortion because it prevents us from taking in the good experiences that actually occur.

7 Jumps to Conclusions

“My friend hasn’t replied to my Christmas message yet. She must be angry with me about something.”

Jumping to conclusions combines mind-reading and fortune-telling into one rapid leap from limited evidence to negative conclusion. During the busy Christmas period, there are countless innocent explanations for delayed responses, but our minds skip straight to the most threatening interpretation. The conclusion feels certain, even though the evidence is minimal or non-existent.

6 Magnifications (Catastrophizing)

“I’ve spent £50 over my Christmas budget. Now I won’t be able to pay my bills and I’ll probably lose my home.”

Catastrophizing takes a genuine problem and inflates it to disaster proportions. Yes, overspending needs addressing, but the leap from £50 over budget to homelessness skips several intermediate steps. This thinking style strips away our capacity to problem-solve because we’re too busy panicking about imagined worst-case scenarios.

5 Minimizations

“Yes, I organized a gathering for 15 people, cooked for two days, and everyone had a wonderful time, but that’s just what anyone would do. It’s nothing special.”

While catastrophizing inflates the negative, minimization shrinks our achievements and positive qualities. Clients who minimize often work incredibly hard but dismiss their efforts as ordinary or expected. They can see others’ accomplishments clearly but render their own invisible. It’s a thinking style that robs us of deserved satisfaction and self-recognition.

4 Lunges to Emotional Reasoning

“I feel like a terrible person for not wanting to attend every Christmas event I’m invited to, so I must be selfish.”

Emotional reasoning treats feelings as facts. If we feel guilty, we must have done something wrong. If we feel inadequate, we must actually be inadequate. During Christmas, when emotions run particularly high due to stress and exhaustion, this thinking style can be especially problematic. The reality is that feelings are information, but they’re not always accurate reflections of reality. Feeling like a bad person doesn’t make you one.

3 “Should” Statements

“I should want to spend Christmas with my family. I should feel grateful. I should be happier about all of this.”

“Should” statements are perhaps the dominant thinking style of the Christmas season. They represent internalized rules about how we ought to feel, behave, or want. These rigid expectations create a constant sense of falling short. When we notice ourselves saying “should,” it’s worth asking: whose rule is this? Is it actually helpful? What would happen if we replaced “should” with “could” or “choose to”?

2 Sticky Labels

“I’m such an idiot for forgetting to buy cranberry sauce. I’m completely useless at organizing anything.”

Labeling takes a specific behaviour or mistake and transforms it into a global statement about identity. Instead of “I made a mistake,” it becomes “I am a mistake.” Instead of “I forgot something,” it becomes “I’m forgetful” or worse, “I’m useless.” These labels are particularly damaging because they feel fixed and unchangeable, whereas behaviours and specific incidents are neither.

1 Personalization in a Pear Tree

“My children didn’t seem as excited about their presents as I hoped. I’ve obviously chosen the wrong gifts and disappointed them. I’ve spoiled their Christmas.”

Personalization involves taking responsibility for things outside our control and blaming ourselves when things go wrong—even when many factors contribute to any situation. Children’s responses to gifts are influenced by tiredness, overstimulation, developmental stage, and countless other variables. Taking complete personal responsibility for their reactions ignores this complexity and sets up an impossible standard where we’re accountable for others’ emotions and experiences.

---

Using This With Clients

These thinking styles aren’t character flaws—they’re habitual patterns that our minds fall into, especially under stress. The Christmas season, with its unique pressures and expectations, simply makes these patterns more visible and more frequent.

When working with clients during the festive period, it can be helpful to normalize these thinking styles. Everyone experiences them. The goal isn’t to eliminate them entirely but to notice them, question them gently, and develop more balanced alternatives.

You might even share this list with clients in a lighthearted way as a psychoeducation tool. Sometimes recognizing these patterns with a bit of humor (“Ah, there’s my fortune-telling again!”) can reduce their power and make space for more flexible thinking.

And on the twelfth day of Christmas, perhaps the greatest gift we can give our clients—and ourselves—is permission to be imperfectly human, to notice our thoughts without judgment, and to approach the season with compassion rather than criticism.

After all, even unhelpful thinking styles are just our minds trying to protect us, even if they sometimes go about it in less-than-helpful ways.