Festive Feeling Series
Navigating the Festive Season with Resilience and Practical Strategies
Christmas is often portrayed as a time of warmth, generosity, and family unity—but for many fathers, it can amplify underlying mental health pressures in ways that feel uniquely burdensome. As providers, protectors, and often the “fixers” in family dynamics, fathers may grapple with the weight of expectations to deliver the perfect holiday experience, all while managing their own emotional responses. In a season marked by financial demands, social comparisons, and intensified family interactions, these roles can trigger cognitive distortions such as magnification (“If I can’t afford the best gifts, I’m failing my family”) or emotional reasoning (“I feel stressed, so I must be inadequate”). As CBT practitioners, we can equip our clients with tools to identify these patterns, reframe them, and foster a more balanced approach. This article examines the mental health challenges fathers face during Christmas, with practical suggestions for therapists. We’ll also address the experiences of fathers with adult children, who may navigate shifting roles and potential feelings of redundancy amid evolving family traditions.
Understanding the Holiday Strain for Fathers
The festive period can act as a magnifier for mental health issues, with studies indicating that stress and anxiety often peak during this time. 5 For fathers, common stressors include the societal emphasis on provision—ensuring gifts, meals, and festivities are abundant—amid economic hardships or job-related worries. 6 Family gatherings may highlight challenging dynamics, such as unresolved conflicts or the pressure to maintain harmony, leading to feelings of overwhelm or isolation. 2 Past traumas, like difficult childhood holidays, can resurface, contributing to irritability or withdrawal—behaviours sometimes labeled as “grumpiness” by loved ones.
Fathers of young children might face the chaos of heightened excitement, sleep disruptions, and the relentless task of creating magical moments, which can exacerbate exhaustion and guilt if things fall short. 14 In contrast, fathers of adult children often contend with a sense of loss: children prioritizing their own families, distant gatherings, or the “empty nest” amplified by holiday nostalgia. This can foster automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) like “My role is over now” or “They don’t value our traditions anymore,” intensifying loneliness or purposelessness. 7 From a CBT lens, these challenges arise from unhelpful thinking styles rooted in rigid expectations, offering ripe opportunities for cognitive restructuring and behavioural experiments.
Practical CBT Strategies for Therapists Working with Fathers
In sessions, collaborate with clients to tailor interventions to their paternal roles, using Christmas as a real-time context for applying CBT skills.
In sessions, collaborate with clients to tailor interventions to their paternal roles, using Christmas as a real-time context for applying CBT skills. Emphasize homework that integrates seamlessly into daily routines, such as brief reflections during commutes. Here are ten evidence-based suggestions to support fathers, adaptable for those with young or adult children:
- Introduce Thought Records to Challenge Provider Guilt: Help clients log ANTs tied to financial or logistical pressures, e.g., “Situation: Budget shortfall for gifts. Thought: I’m letting my family down. Emotion: Shame (90%).” Guide evidence-based challenging: “What would I tell a friend in this position?” For fathers of adult children, reframe thoughts like “They expect me to host everything” to “This is a chance to share responsibilities collaboratively.”
- Encourage Behavioural Activation for Role Redefinition: Combat withdrawal by scheduling small, value-aligned activities, like a family game night or solo hobby time. For dads of young kids, this might mean structured play to build positive associations; for those with adults, initiating a new tradition, such as a video call ritual, to counter emptiness.
- Address Cognitive Distortions in Family Interactions: Use Socratic dialogue to unpack personalization (“The argument is my fault as the head of the family”) or should-statements (“I should fix everyone’s problems”). Role-play boundary-setting, e.g., “I need a moment to recharge,” especially useful for fathers navigating in-law tensions or adult children’s independence.
- Incorporate Breathing and Mindfulness for Irritability: Teach techniques like square breathing to manage “grumpy” episodes triggered by overload. Link to paternal contexts: mindful listening during children’s excitement or reflective pauses when feeling sidelined by adult offspring.
- Facilitate Problem-Solving for Logistical Overwhelm: Apply CBT’s structured framework to break down tasks: Define (e.g., holiday planning), brainstorm (e.g., delegate to family), evaluate, and implement. For fathers of grown children, this could involve negotiating shared hosting to reduce solo burdens.
- Promote Gratitude Exercises to Offset Comparison: Counter social media-fueled envy with daily logs of three non-material gratitudes, like “A meaningful conversation with my child.” Adapt for fathers by focusing on legacy-building, shifting from “I can’t provide like others” to appreciating relational strengths.
- Use Exposure for Social and Emotional Triggers: Gradually confront avoided scenarios, such as large gatherings, through imagery or stepped actions. For empty-nest fathers, this might mean attending a community event to reframe solitude as autonomy.
- Clarify Values to Align Holiday Actions: Help clients identify core paternal values (e.g., presence over perfection) and adjust plans accordingly. This empowers fathers of adult children to embrace evolving roles, reducing resentment over changed dynamics.
- Develop Relapse Prevention for Post-Holiday Blues: Review festive experiences to identify effective strategies, creating a personalized “toolkit” for future seasons. Include prompts for self-compassion, vital for fathers internalizing “strong silent type” stereotypes.
- Recommend Digital Supports for Accessibility: Suggest free CBT apps for mood tracking or guided exercises, integrating them with fatherly routines—like quick sessions during breaks—to maintain momentum beyond therapy.
Final Thoughts: Empowering Fathers Through CBT This Season
The holidays need not overwhelm fathers when armed with CBT’s pragmatic toolkit. By helping clients reframe their roles and responses, therapists can transform potential stressors into moments of connection and self-growth. As we support these men, let’s remember to apply the same compassion to ourselves—perhaps by simplifying our own festive commitments. For further insights on seasonal adaptations, check our posts on unhelpful thinking styles or supporting diverse clients.
Professor Patrick McGhee is a CBT therapist, psychologist and UK National Teaching Fellow.
Practical Therapy 